The Difference Love Makes

Wayne and Barbara Dye sit together on their couch in their Harvard home. The Dye’s, both retired school teachers have been married for 42 years and have two children. Barbara suffered a brain aneurysm last year that affected her short-term memory and left her paralyzed. Wayne has been taking care of her and their horse farm, hoping that one day her memory returns. (Photo by Danielle Guerra)

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Sometimes you forget as you go through the day how much your kids are watching.

And they’re definitely watching.

When you’re happy or sad, when you’re laughing or mad — they know. They see you, even when you can’t really see yourself.

When you’re giving your husband a kiss on his way out the door, when you’re holding his hand, when you’re fighting with him — they’re watching.

Just as they’re not always going to like what they see, neither are you. Marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. It’s easy to get discouraged, to feel overwhelmed sometimes. I know I do.

You have some good days, some bad days.

And then you meet a couple like the Dyes of rural Harvard. Featured on page 18 in this edition of McHenry County Magazine, Wayne and Barb Dye have been married 42 years.

They taught in area schools, raised two kids and happily retired in the country. Then, out of nowhere, Barb suffered an aneurysm. And the dreams they had of riding horses, camping and spending their days outdoors came to an end. She would need constant therapy, the daily care of her husband.

You watch the two of them sit side by side, their arms wrapped around one another.

You watch as Wayne takes care of his wife, helps her to sit, to eat, to remember all that she has forgotten.

You watch as he gently tries to answer her questions, many of which no longer make sense.

You watch as, despite all the complexities of their lives, they laugh. They hug. They kiss.

I asked their daughter, Amy Blalock of Woodstock, how the family has dealt with the tragedy.

“You can see,” she said, pointing toward her parents.

Blalock has four boys of her own, and, like her parents before her, she substitute teaches.

She feels blessed, not only to have grown up with her parents, but to be in their company today.

As a child, Blalock watched as they compromised, as they did little things for one another. It was never a big deal to them, but that’s what made it so special, Blalock said.

The family would take long camping trips every summer. They would spend time together not out of obligation, but because that’s just what you did, Blalock recalled.

“I so want my children to have the childhood we did,” she said. “We never had a lot of money, but we certainly enjoyed ourselves. You couldn’t ask for better role models.”

And with that, you feel lucky. Lucky to have met the family, to have seen through them the difference love makes.